During my clubbing years, mostly 1980s, it was fun to put on a little cologne before going out.

There was one horrible one back then called Giorgio that came in a yellow and red awful-looking box. It was the only cologne that would actually make my sinuses crack if I got a nose full of it. I could hardly stand to go in and out of Belk at the mall because of their fragrance counter promoting it.

The people who wore it sure put on a lot of it. It often went along with the type of person who would tie their shirt in a knot just above their navel. lol. Sometimes we’d say things like, “look at that fag, gotta be from Asheboro.” Like I was some kind of upscale piece to say something like that.

I usually wore the Calvin Kleins, the CK’s.

Somebody gave me an Avon Wild Country Sampler one time. I put it on thinking how bad could it be. Had to get right back in the shower before going out.

Right now my favorite is Bleu de Chanel.

“If you use a self checkout, you’re working for the store for free. FOR FREE!”

When my grandparents were young, entire stores weren’t self service. You didn’t get your own groceries inside the store.

When I was a teenager, you didn’t pump your own fuel.

So if you pump gas or buy groceries, you’re working for free. FOR FREE!

Hanging (on the wall) in the sports medicine doctor’s office.

Cancel that Cialis prescription, doctor, I think I’m cured!