time-wasting jokes

For when there is little else to occupy the mind.

Seen on the D* network.

From the Independent Newspaper.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, "Five beers, please."

A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks, “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eighth of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.

3 responses to “time-wasting jokes

  1. The atom joke was funny as hell. 🙂

  2. A couple of them I don't understand without a web search, but I won't confess which two.

  3. lifeguardlifer

    😎 😆 rotflol

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